Finally

Wow. It has been SO long since I last posted. I do have good reason though. So, this may be a long one to try and catch up on what all has been going on the last few months.
I got very sick with postpartum depression in February. I was already on a low dose of Paxil b/c we knew it was an issue about a month after Ania was born. However, I got worse very quickly and ended up one step away from a postpartum psychosis. Very scary. I was having hallucinations related to falling asleep or waking up and then of course all of the other symptoms related to depression. My OB got me in with a Psychiatrist the day I called him about the hallucinations. She increased my dose of Paxil and started me on Trazadone to help me sleep. She also said that things were so severe that I may need to go to the hospital. She gave me the option - hospital or home with complete rest. We chose trying treatment at home - it was 6 wks of bedrest basically. I had to do nothing. Dr. Bird said she thought that b/c of all of the issues with Ania and the depression I was so sleep deprived that it made things get very severe. I slept SO MUCH once I went home and had to. I stayed in the bed or on the couch for probably 2 wks. People at the church jumped in and helped in an amazing way. They brought meals and did childcare as we needed it. Aaron took some time off from his rotations and was home to take care of the kids as much as he could be. Our parents helped every way they could and then my aunt from Wisconsin came and stayed with us for 2 wks. God provided for us in amazing ways! After the 6 wks I still had to take things easy. To be honest, life has not returned to normal since. I get stressed out very easily and often have to remove myself from situations that are overwhelming me. But over the last month or so I have had some days that feel basically normal for me. Those days are such a breath of fresh air.
I am so thankful to God for all He has done for us through this. Not only has He provided in amazing ways, He has also done incredible works through this depression! I wrote in my journal about things God has done through this and the list went on and on and on. And I know I didn't get everything down. It is amazing. One of the highlights for me is that I was able to connect to a friend of mine through this depression and have a conversation with her about the Lord. I have been praying and waiting for the chance to have this conversation for 4 yrs. God is amazing. After that I never again regretted the circumstances. I was in awe of God and what how He was working. That hasn't stopped. It has been one thing after the other - I keep seeing things in our lives that would not have happened and things that I could not have learned if it hadn't have been for the severity of my illness. Thank you Lord!
Part of the stress in our lives lately has been moving. Aaron starts his residency in Grand Rapids, MI on June 15th. We put our house in JC on the market and it sold within a month and a half! WOW! God is good. Since our house in JC sold that quickly, it gave us the option of buying a house in GR - which is what we really wanted to do. The house we found that we liked so much is brand new. Smaller than the JC house (which is fine with us) and an amazing price. It is outside of the city but in a great little up and coming area. There is also a preschool very close to it that Isaiah will be going to - and amazing preschool - I'm sure there will be more on that later. We are very excited about the house. But, now we are having trouble with closing on it. We are a little over a week away from Aaron's starting date and still have not closed. We are living with his parents in SC right now - they are a huge help to us and so sweet to let us stay with them. We are waiting on the appraisal for our house as well as the conditions from the underwriters. No one has any idea why this is not happening yet and it seems like no one can do anything about it. SO frustrating. They say once we get those two things we can close 3-5 days after that. So...it is looking like we won't be moving until when or after Aaron starts. That really stinks and stresses me out some but I am trying to just realize God knows best. I know He does - if I ever doubt I just need to look back at the last few months and see how God proved his faithfulness and His wisdom over and over and over.
One of the reasons I am so thankful to be with Aaron's parents is that we now have one more battle to go through with my health. Obviously I am on a couple of medications for my depression - both of which increase the amount of serotonin in my system. I started having symptoms of serotonin toxicity - technically called Serotonin Syndrome. This comes from having too much serotonin. It is a potentially fatal syndrome if not treated. Treatment when it is mild is discontinuation of the drug. The docs have not taken me off of both but just off of the Paxil. Last night was my 2nd night of not taking it. Usually with discontinuation of the medication the syndrome improves within 24 hrs. I felt HORRIBLE day before yesterday but had a great day yesterday. So, I guess that is true. However, now the concern is the withdrawal that I will go through from stopping the Paxil. Withdrawal happens to people who wean off of it and since I stopped a rather high does cold turkey, it could be rough. I have been researching it and it looks like withdrawal often starts 2-3 days after discontinuing the medication - sometimes longer. The sad part is that the symptoms often last 2-3 wks or even longer. I have more details of all of this but I will post a separate post to get into more detail. The main point here is to ask you all to pray! Pray that I will come through these next couple of weeks without much difficulty. But, even more importantly, pray for healing. Pray that I will not have any more trouble with the depression - that once I am off of the Paxil and through any withdrawal I have, that I will not need to be put on any other type of medication. And pray for strength and patience for all of us as we go through these next few weeks! Thank you all so much! We are believing and trusting. I am so thankful for a God that is faithful.